remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
