mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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