they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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