it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
