A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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