yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize