My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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