So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
