I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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