I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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