you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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