just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
