I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
