Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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