Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
