gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
