You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
