I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
