...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
