is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
