WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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