you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
