you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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