I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
