Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you

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  (586): Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you http://tfl.nu/xexu
  Replies (7) Good night (1945) Bad night (688)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.

  (646): View more from New York

  I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.

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  (360): I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am. (646): I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ. http://tfl.nu/g49z
  Replies (13) Good night (674) Bad night (1236)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.

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  (718): don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time. http://tfl.nu/80vr
  Replies (5) Good night (2150) Bad night (648)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.

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  (817): Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have. http://tfl.nu/2nqb
  Replies (23) Good night (767) Bad night (4697)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking

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  (805): im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking http://tfl.nu/diqd
  Replies (26) Good night (4445) Bad night (836)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet

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  (954): Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet http://tfl.nu/1ehg
  Replies (14) Good night (908) Bad night (3189)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.

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  (410): I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs. http://tfl.nu/xa92
  Replies (85) Good night (8555) Bad night (1322)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  just left the emergency room. condom extraction.

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  (920): just left the emergency room. condom extraction. http://tfl.nu/bo1w
  Replies (30) Good night (1173) Bad night (11239)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  there are ass prints on the hood of my car.

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  (601): there are ass prints on the hood of my car. http://tfl.nu/hwv7
  Replies (10) Good night (3164) Bad night (1143)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.

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  (215): Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea. http://tfl.nu/cv1y
  Replies (13) Good night (2187) Bad night (1095)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.

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  (678): I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever. http://tfl.nu/08jg
  Replies (9) Good night (2660) Bad night (1037)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.

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  (832): Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail. http://tfl.nu/wcht
  Replies (4) Good night (1970) Bad night (677)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.

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  (302): my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list. http://tfl.nu/q5hw
  Replies (8) Good night (483) Bad night (811)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!

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  (816): Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila! http://tfl.nu/cnc4
  Replies (3) Good night (504) Bad night (304)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok

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  (516): ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok http://tfl.nu/9kls
  Replies (0) Good night (360) Bad night (102)

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