so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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