i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year