I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.