i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
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i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
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Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?