she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
