so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
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Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
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I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My bed smells like the plague
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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