He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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