he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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