no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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