3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
