ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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