@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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