I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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