Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
