tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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