It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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