Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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