Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
