so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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