Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
