i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
