So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
