just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We were destined to go to rehab together
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
