my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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