He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
