This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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