I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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