I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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