508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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