every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
do herpes really smell.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
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He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
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The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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