Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Never joke about your clitoris.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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