please come you make the beer taste better
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
