OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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