For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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