He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
