i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
