Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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