you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
