Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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