her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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