Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
