so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
