Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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