You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
