Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
