so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
not ubering you a puppy
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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