Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
