her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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