Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
