Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
