My liver just broke up with me...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
