So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
